Welcome to BtheWizard
I wish I was writing this post with a positive introduction to my blog, BtheWizard, but life doesn’t always work out that way. There’s a lot to unpack but I created this blog as a tool for me to share where I am in my life, my thoughts, emotions, and overall outlook on life. It’s my opinion, spiritual reflection, and way for my to communicate through language a space where our minds could collectively coalesce. So I write honestly today, April 1st, as the world reckons with Covid-19 and how I feel in this present moment.
Who out there feels lonely in all of this? That no matter how much you know you're not alone, even when surrounded by those who love you, but deep down you still feel lonely, I know I do. I am okay and will get through this but my depression is full on and I am working through it. I've tried all my cures and will be able to bounce back but right now I just feel sad. I have to see this emotion for what it is, acknowledge its presence, so I can heal internally.
Why am I sharing this because I know I am not alone? I'd rather put myself out there authentically and speak my truth even when I am just tired and sad. There are days when these peaks and valleys are filled with the light of healing, love, and hope, but then there are days like today where I can't fight the urge to just feel low.
Why share this again, I ask myself?
Because I cannot distract myself from just acknowledging how incredibly sad this time in history feels. However I am not alone and think the more I am told to not look at the sadness, in front of me, it actually makes me feel alienated. I can not believe distraction is the only way through this mess, no, instead it is going to take collective therapy session of expression over the course of many months, perhaps even a year, where we as humans will have to understand what this experience means to us.
Sometimes before it can get better we have to recognize our hopelessness so we can go back to the well of hope and fill out buckets again and again. Here's to love and light for all of those feeling empty and low in this moment or will come to recognize this feeling that will effect all of us in our own time. We're in this together and we will survive, not only this virus, but also the pain of anxiety and trauma each of us are enduring.
Let us shine once more and share the human spirit's ability to transcend all of this darkness as we have done many times before throughout history. I’d rather we all find a way to express these complex emotions with authenticity and love than shy away from what is happening to all of us. Each of us can only withstand the amount of heaviness our emotions cause us. For me being sensitive to my emotions has raised me up and at times been heavier than a ton of weights on my shoulder.
The only way I could manage was through my journal, but right now as we social distance ourselves, I feel lonelier than ever before. So I am going to write and express myself to my friends, family, and whoever may find this blog in their own time. We will survive this. We will be more than a status quo of numbers running across the CNN screen. We will be the humans who rebuilt this world when all of this is over.
Sometimes life has given me answers or clues for ways to work through the mess of life, but now is not that time, and it is not a clouded mind that distracts me. No it is the fact that this event that is taking place today, yesterday, and for the foreseeable future is a much bigger experience than we could ever imagine. We are in the nexus of this experience and must let life and fate reveal itself to us once more till we feel the freedom of our spirit shine onward. One day soon humanity will begin to walk out from of our domains and embrace the world once more.
Stay strong all of you out there, do not lose hope, speak your truth in every possible way, encourage through art, song, creativity, dance, and all of the humanities. We will cater to the need for inspiration that our collective minds must have for sustenance. However outside of what our minds need our hearts need the other side of creativity raw emotion. Feel your emotions and remember permission granted to feel as low as you need to but only if you are able to express it to those who care for you. Be alone but always remember you are not alone because most likely someone out there is feeling the exact same way but afraid to say so. We all need to listen and support our brothers and sisters in their time of need just as we praise those who can share their light in positive ways.
Our world will be going through a period of healing on so many levels this year and for me speaking your truth has always been the key to finding peace. So my truth is this, I am sad today. I was happy the other day but today I am sad and I don’t want to hide it. I don’t need to be told you can make it through this I just want to be heard and let others know it is really okay to simply just be sad. Like in the movies before we cry and emote with the actors there have to be low points in order to raise ourselves up once more for catharsis. Today is my low point and hopefully come tomorrow I will begin my ascent once again to the heavens of prosperity and happiness as I always have before.
I love you all and am happy to know none of us are truly alone.
Love & Light,
BtheWizard